Family Blogs.

September 19, 2009

oh family blogs. that’s something you’ll never catch me with. if my wife starts one i am divorcing her ass and never paying child support. and i won’t be involved with my kids either. maybe that shows you how much i hate those things. i mean who in their right mind wants to paste photos of your family and your house up on the internet? why i bet right now some thief just jerked off to that nice stereo or something, just the though of him robbing your house is giving him the biggest hard on. also giving out your kids name and the school they go to? just give your kids to pedophiles if you want them to get molested so much. even better, put them on craigslist. they’ll surely find a happier home on that website. also everything seems so fake on those things, they’re smiling with the nice lighting in the photos, but really mom drinks and dad hits mommy at the dinner table. also no one wants to hear about your kids accomplishments, fuck if i had kids i wouldn’t wanna hear about theirs. i’d tell my son to go clean the garage if he doesn’t want his ass hit and then after that he could address me. and then after he’s done that he WILL bring me a beer and tell me. that way it lessens some pointless trivia he learned at school. it’s like those stickers that say, “my kids an A student and fuck me up the ass high!” oh really? cause my kid would kick your kids ass and then give him an atomic wedgie. the best thing a family can do, DON’T BLOG ABOUT SOME POINTLESS THING ON THE INTERNET. family blogs are like those really shitty taxes companies or car insurance companies you see in the Ghetto. no one cares about them.

Fuck California.

September 10, 2009

if there was a place that was the asshole of the world, it’s California. and on here i would like to propose a question, do we really need the state of California? the answer, no we do not. the soultion, blow the state off the US therefore sending it into an island 50 miles off the cost of America. 49 states. not bad. we could do without those assholes. heres a list of all things bad Californian.

1. California Drivers: ever be driving and some guy drives like a total cock sucker and you’d love nothing more than to ram his ass off the road to prove how much better you are than him? well if are then you are one of many people who would like to see the place go. California drivers, everyone knows they suck out there at driving, so why should we even let these assholes stay part of the United States?

2. Hollywood: now Hollywood i suggests moves to a different place, California has a breeding ground of being dick fag central so the stars get up their own ass about how awesome they. like Charlie Sheen. for those of you who don’t know what an asshole he is i will tell you. he thinks the government was behind 9-11. and whatever faggot you are hanging around that thinks 9-11 was an inside job you need to kick his ass and take his clothes. that you way you’re making a point of how big of an asshole he is. ONLY assholes get their clothes stolen. another reason why California needs to go.

3. San Francisco: if you’re one of those assholes who think this is the coolest place on earth then i won’t like you, and to prove i don’t like you i will take your girlfriend and bang her and then leave her alone the next morning and not call her again. AND I WON’T USE A CONDOM. since they’re all into free love out in that region of California might as well prove a point. you and your damn love ins. also asshole smoke crack openly out there and drink coffee. actually i would go there for one reason and one reason only. they’re so concered about pollution and driving hybrid cars that i would drive out there take a whole bottle of laxatives and walk around pantless and shit everywhere i went since everyone around there is so full of it. it’s not like i’ll be arrested cause everyone is strung out on dope and coffee.

the 1960’s was for dumb asses.

September 6, 2009

that’s right. fuck that dopesmoking generation. if i had a dime for everytime a baked hippie bitching about the corporations and how their faggy solutions would help i would be one hell of a rich man. why i would use 100 Bills to clean myself off after i finished jerking off. put that in your pipe and smoke it asshole. actually i would roll my cigarettes with 100 dollar bills as well. and what’s worse is now those no good dipshit hippies have rubbed off on our generation. Bill Ayers (asshole) is a professor. so we’re giving a job to the cocksmoker who planted bombs during the 1960’s and caused damages to small homes and businesses, good call on that one. wait and fuck John Lennon too. bed peace hair peace. more like, OH GIVE PEACE A CHANCE NOW EXCUSE ME WHILE I GET PISS DRUNK AND FIGHT SOME RANDOM DUDE AT THE BAR AND THEN GET THE LIVING SHIT KICKED OUT OF ME MAKING ME LOOK LIKE AN EVEN BIGGER ASSHOLE. cool. yeah it’s sad what happened, but he was a total douche. oh wait i forgot one thing, I AM JOHN LENNON AND I AM AN EVEN BIGGER DICK BY NEGLECTING MY SON. actually all hippies do that. i still hold onto the fact that San Francisco and all of California is the asshole of the United States. that’s where we send all of our shit. so if your young and stupid there is help. go read about SDS or Weather Underground, or Bill Ayers, OR put down your damn joint.

don’t eat their fucking brownies either.

Van Jones is an asshole.

September 5, 2009

fuck Van Jones. and fuck every retarded hippie that thinks he’s super awesome and totally rad. the guy is an ass. and here left thought the right was an asshole. WRONG AGAIN DIPSHIT. both sides are assholes. what’s hilarious is that the media won’t even cover that he’s an open communist and makes dumb ass statements like white people poison black communities in the inner city. psh, way to make yourself sound dumb. seriously Van Jones, i could walk up to a microphone and jerk off and i would sound like i made more sense than your statements. i know the left will start bitching saying i’m ignorant and responsible for the destruction of the earth and global warming will kill us all in a giant angry dick up our asses. sorry asshole, global warming isn’t real the earth isn’t going to explode and shove it’s dick up our ass. fuck you and your toyota prius. but the right has assholes too. but i will say at least the right has more brains than you Van Jones, in fact, a whole lot fuckin’ more. you’ve done work with Bill Ayers wife too, Bill Ayers is an ass. oh wait, i almost forgot, his wife too. wait, fuck weather ¬†underground. that’s you know an extremely logical way to have dealt with things in the 60’s. peace and love my ass.

but Van we only say this because we care about you. there is help for you, and this is the first step you have to take. please listen.

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this is a first step for you Van Jones. stop being an asshole.

Why I Am Glad to NOT Be Nancy Grace’s Husband.

August 25, 2009

she’s a bitch. really i bet she wears the pants in that household. so here Nancy, since you’re a femnisist proscutor and the Daughter of the Devil i’ll give you a list of reasons why you should not be allowed to have a show.

1. You’re a woman. women of your style do not need to be allowed on tv, we all know women are inferior to men. in fact the only reason we let them on tv is cause their husband is getting any ass at home so he has to let her do her thing, which he could do better with his eyes closed and jackin’ it at the same time. men are much much smarter, either the reason you got your tv show was your husband wanted some ass so he allowed you to go on tv. but this could also mean you tried to bite his dick straight off with your fangs and demanded a show. i gotta send out sympathy to your husband, i wouldn’t let my huge balls near that womans mouth. but i bet your ass i could knock that bitch out cold with one swing from these giant balls. her husband would thank me, hell yeah.

2. You suck as a TV Personality/Prosecutor. my question to you Nancy is how the hell aren’t you a lesbian? only prosecutors’ are lesbians, but they’re always extremely hot and in the middle of trying to take the other prosecutor down they get turned on rip their shirts off and start making out. then the judge whips out his dick and says, “you’re girls are both guilty…of not playing with balls.” then it explodes into one bad porno. but instead of making me start jackin’ it i realize that i just want to knock everyone one of those skanks out cold with my massive balls. shit those things could break bones, hell yeah! actually, that whole image i painted would be more tolerable than watching her show, and porno is pointless and boring and a waste of my time if you ask me. if i watch something i want it to have substance, not tits ass and balls. not my idea of a good time, just like playing the back 9 with Woopie Goldberg.

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no one gives a shit about your gay youtube video posts.

August 8, 2009

i love how everyone posts a video on youtube and BAM them mother fuckers have a life. there are kids, no scratch that, adults who haven’t gotten laid in years who make video blogs about their life. news flash, i don’t think everyone is concerned about your life. youtube should invent fists and install them into every computer screen and when the dipshits start to video blog about themselves that fist should pop and make their teeth like your grandma when she gives blow jobs for 45 cents. the worst part about the internet is that every one now thinks the world cares about, or rather will care about them. it’s a lonely kids dream to bone the vag of the internet. and it’s kids like that who get their asses molested by some over weight bald guy who looks a lot like Carl from Aqua Teen Hunger Force, which if doesn’t make jizz your pants there’s obviously a problem with you. seeing that show with no boner at all means you’re probley totally gay. why don’t you just bend over and take while you watch the show since you aren’t into it that much asshole.

tvad-enzyte-smilingbob

if you aren’t like this guy then fuck you.

women who watch the View are bitches.

August 5, 2009

every time i see that show i am reminded why i hate the fact that we gave women rights. personally i think the women on that show were put on there so their husbands wouldn’t have to deal with their wife bitching all day and it’d save the police a domestic disturbance call. the only time i see it on is when i have to wait on some asshole doctor who’s probley back in his office doing a line of cocaine off his own boner cause he takes so much of my money that he’s got nothing better to do with it. the only time i have tolerated that show is when i’m so hopped up on drugs to numb me from watching these women bitch about issues that they like to think pertains to them. psh, women having importance in society. that’s just an urban legend. i will say this about this show:

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this woman, Elizabeth something, fuck it i’m too lazy to figure out her last name. anyways she is the only redeeming factor of that show and i’ll tell you why, total babe fest. you could be a Trekkie and she’d get you off. thats what the view should be, a show where she just walks around in a Bikini making Sandwiches and then getting someone a beer. but when it comes to women like this:

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talk about the Twins lookin’ old. but in all seriousness The View is the sole reason why we should repeal women’s rights. it hasn’t done us much good. if you need one example why we should repeal Female Rights look at these two examples. 1. Feminism. 2. Butch Lesbians. which both go hand in hand and are the same thing basically. this new bill of Womans rights will go as follows.

1. Never are you to back talk to a man.

2. Never are you to operate a car, except unless your husband/boyfriend/friend are so drunk from watching the game you must drive them home.

3. Never are you to ever make a steak or burger or any grilling of any kind.

4. Never are you start up a BBQ.

5. Never are you to tell your male partner to make his own damn sandwich or grab his own damn beer.

6. You are never to hold out on a man for this is detestable.

Joe Biden should be put in a home.

July 26, 2009

people bitched about McCaine being too damn old, think again assholes! look at this guy right here, Joe Biden. every time he stands up he makes an ass of himself, actually i’m greatful for that, actually it makes my life better knowing that there’s a Vice President out there who’s dumber than my Aunts fake tits. my Aunt would be a better vice president than Joe Biden, and not her, just one of her boobs is smarter than Joe Biden. how in the hell Obama puts up with him is beyond me, he’s like one of those granparents you constantly yell at cause he keeps shitting his pants all day. i bet he has to wear diapers! what an asshole! i remember one time he told a crippled man to stand up so people could give him a round of applause.

retard

i mean maybe it’s time to consider Shady Acres.

Superman rules.

July 25, 2009

in the old Superman comics there aren’t certain acts and words he said that make Superman out to be a dick….or the greatest man who ever lived. i’ll show you why Superman rules.

1. Jimmy Olsen is queer.

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first off the only way to love your child is to beat them and be a total dick. if your child doesn’t fear you or resent you in some way you have failed. and when they resent you make sure they’re to big of a puss to even stand up to you. and so in this Superman cover we see another dick action of Superman. i’m sure that night Jimmy cried himself to sleep and Superman has crushed all his hopes and dreams.

2. making sure people fail.

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it’s like when you were a kid and someone else had a better diarama better than you. why i call shit kicking kids and giving them swirlies in the toilet and making them burn their own projects so i’d get the better grade. i’d like to think he totally fucked up Pat Boone and totally bitch slapped Louis around.

3.

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every time Superman is such a dick to Louis Lane he has such a huge smile upon his face. here’s another example:

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Superman…dick or greatest man ever? you decide.

why apple store employees suck.

July 24, 2009

all college age kids. college kids if you don’t realize it are the most retarded people to come in contact with. i myself am in college and i think most of the kids are about as smart as a girl with big tits. in apples case it’s worse. it’s the college know it all hippies that they think they are the greatest thing to grace this earth all because they masturbate to porn on an apple computer. let’s look at potential people who at some point in college will work at an apple store because it’s hip.

1. Michael Cera: the captain of Pussies United.

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i wouldn’t wanna deal with a dipshit talking to me like they way they do at the apple stores. actually today my macbook broke down and i went in and told them i needed it fixed right away, i made up a bullshit excuse because i felt like being an enormous dick to everyone there and said i needed to drop photos off for a magazine at midnight and i was doing an internship. ¬†then some girl who looked like a surfboard lectured me and rambled for a bit and i all remember was thinking that i’ve seen zits bigger on trekkies faces than this womans tits. when she stopped her incessant bitching i gave her two options.

1. get breast implants and give an appointment.

2. make me a sandwich and shut the hell up.

both we’re refused so i bitch slapped her and left the store. i left thinking about how much i hate apple employees. their manager is this odd dude with a really bad mohawk probley blares stupid indie rock music cause it makes him cool and not normal, he thinks for himself. way to go asshole you’ve come a long way, buying into different fads is way different. fuck when i was little i bought into beanie babies so i was totally different. assholes.


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